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Original

Nabeeha ShaikhLeave a comment

“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities I have visited.”

-Jorge Luis Borges

I’d come across this quote on Pinterest and it has been on my mind ever since.

Maybe it’s the teenage identity crisis or the influence of the ever-enlarging media, while constantly trying to re-invent myself, always trying to be different than everyone else, I have developed this feeling of what if I end up becoming a copy and not an original.

If I start pulling quotes too much from my favourite books and start reciting the poems of my favourite poets too often will all my thoughts just be borrowed and nothing else?

Will I end up being an echo?

As it is our times here are limited, what if I am unable to reinvent myself enough to be an original?

In me, I have this ambition of being new, something novel, I have this ambition of being me.

With all this said, here’s my version of this quote:

Do I exist?
At first I was sure, I exist,
and I am me,
but what was it to be me?
what were the thoughts that I called my own?

Harry1 inspired me to “burn with my natural passions”,
but it became difficult for me to find them.
Thoreau told me to “launch myself on every wave“,
but at the time I didn’t understand what it meant.
Whitman reminded me to “contribute my verse”,
But what was “my” verse?

Jorge Luis then added his share,
I am a mixture of everything that was there!
“I am all the writers that I have read,
all the people that I have met,
all the women that I have loved;
all the cities I have visited,
all my ancestors.”

And then I realised,
that there was also more to me;
I am all the choices I have made,
all the adventures I have taken,
all the lies I have told,
and all the words I have chosen

I am all the calories I gained,
all the tears that I lost,
all the stuff toys beside my bed,
all the clothes in my loft.

There were parts of me everywhere,
afterall I did have my “natural passions”
and I did launch myself on new waves
and I had contributed my verse

I didn’t end up being an echo,
learned my lessons from Dorian2,
realised there was so much more in me,
that only I could give!

References:
1- another name for Lord Henry Wotton in Oscar Wilde’s novel, The Picture Of Dorian Gray
2- protagonist of Oscar Wilde’s novel, The Picture Of Dorian Gray

The people I have mentioned in the poem:
1. Thoreau- Henry David Thoreau
2. Whitman- Walt Whitman
3. Jorge Luis- Jorge Luis Borges

To add on, here’s some Lord Henry philosophies/inspirations (which also happens to be one of my favourite quotes ever from a book)

“There is no such thing as a good influence, Mr. Gray. All influence is immoral-immoral from the scientific point of view……
Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else’s music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him. The aim of life is self-development. To realise one’s nature perfectly–that is what each one of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves, nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one’s self. Of course, they are charitable. They feed the hungry and clothe the beggar. But their own souls starve and are naked……………..”

Ok Bye!
Thanks for reading!

Nabeeha

Daily Prompt

Nabeeha Shaikh2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s a job you would like to do for just one day?
View all responses

I guess I will just keep doing these daily prompts randomly now!

Anyways, to answer the question; there are so many things that I’d like to be, especially if I can be it for just one day. Imagine what a life it would be where you have this one thing you would do all the time, and then just for a change or for fun you’d be something else for a day. It would be a reality where in you can literally do and be everything. This reminds me of the quote:

“Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not.”
-Donna Tartt, The Secret History

and therefore, we’d be able to fulfill all of our fantasies.

Now to my answer: Out of the many things one of the first things that came to my mind were I’d like to be Cardiothoracic surgeon. This specifically because I genuinely don’t think I have it in me to be a Cardiothoracic surgeon for longer periods cause it takes a lot (of just about everything). Great respect to all the doctors and surgeons out there.

Other things that I’d like to be are: A professor, a radio jockey, a scientist, an inventor, a SAP consultant (cause I’d like to know how my dad feels like), a boxer, an athlete, etc.

See the list technically never ends…

Do Lmk what you’d like to be for a day!

Bye for now.

Nabeeha

Love

Nabeeha Shaikh2 Comments

don’t ever ask for love
and never expect it in return
for what is asked is borrowed
and what is borrowed has to be returned

don’t lose yourself in finding love
for if it’s love, you will be found

don’t put up an act to be loved
don’t fall in love with an act
be bare and love the soul,
for if you can’t then it was never love at all

don’t forget to love
don’t love to forget
don’t forget and love
don’t love and forget

don’t start what you cannot take to the end
don’t make a promise bound to be broken

if you love,
don’t be afraid to express it
if you love,
then blatantly accept it

don’t equate love with authority
don’t expect rules to be followed
for love is wild
and all is fair

don’t be jealous in love,
for if it was yours, it can never be stolen
and what was not can never be given

don’t be afraid to let go of love,
people fall out of love
and sometimes, they were never in love

be caring in love
be sharing in love
let love make u better
let love be beautiful

above all, love thine self the most
for no other heart can love you as much as yours

Writing and posting after a very long time.

Thanks for reading,
hope you enjoyed

Nabeeha Sayed Shaikh

Letting Go

Nabeeha Shaikh7 Comments

When once moments of joy,
become moments of despair
when quitting seems not like losing,
but rather letting go;
leave what u r holding
tight in ur hands
for once a wilful friend,
now seems like a captive being forced
it is not necessary to smile
sometimes, let the tears roll
it’s time to let it go.

At times as friendships and relations mature, their bonds grow old and retire, it is human nature and our instinct at these times that tell us it is our responsibility to hold tight onto these bonds and mend them, it is a desperate attempt that we give to preserve what was once treasured out of our fear of losing what once we cherished.

However these futile attempts might leave us more miserable at times.
When letting go, we do not only allow someone to leave but also make space in our mind. Letting go is not letting go the friendships that was cherished, it’s not losing the treasures or the memories preserved, it is only walking ahead with them.

Thanks for reading, bye
Nabeeha

Some days

Nabeeha Shaikh1 Comment

It’s okay for some days to pass by
Without much accomplished tasks;
It’s okay for some days to just sit and see
Without much thought to appreciate beauty

Somedays will be lazy
And some will be burnt-out
It’s fine to take a break
And just lay in your couch

Some days there won’t be much to tick off
And it feels like a day wasted away;
It’s fine to zone out of the moment
To make moments in another space

Not all days you live; your heart will beat actively always (poetic reference only*)
Somedays it will be fast and somedays it will be slow (poetic reference only*)
The feeling of uselessness on you might grow
It’s okay to not have thought about others for a day

Its okay for days to not expect to wake up early
And its okay to binge watch late night tv (or youtube if you don’t have a tv*)

But these moments are momentary days;
with time they pass by
to pave ways for new mornings to come
and new days to be lived in joy

hence, some days sleep in
and wake up brighter and fresh
for tomorrow will be a better glory
tomorrow the sun shall shine more bright

and then spend time in smiles
shower your charm as you go by

I remember a time in last year; when I was overwhelmed; too overwhelmed for my own good. And from that time I remember the words my mom said to us on dinner table:

Whatever you do each day, give your fullest and do your best at it. Even if it’s being lazy, be lazy to the fullest. But then the next day get up and do your best.

_My Mummy

So it’s fine to be lazy, as long as you get up the next day.
You know we sometimes need a break from being our own selves and do NOTHING.
So it’s fine.

Bye, until next time
Nabeeha

Chapter_3. The place where the email led.

Nabeeha Shaikh3 Comments

Continued from Chapter 2

{I said and casually clicked……}

Now that I’d clicked there was no moment of choice left; it were just moments of wait.

After clicking on the link; I waited for my browser to respond. This was when I took a look at the URL of the link, it sure was an odd one and if I was even in the least sense bothered in any way, I would’ve backed out.

The speed that the link took to load didn’t help much either; but it was difficult to figure if the fault was of the website; my 10 year old ancestry laptop or perhaps my roommate’s Wi-Fi connection.

Soon but the wait was over and open before me was a page in white- just white; it was completely blank with no context or information written or typed on it and I thought of it as the most stupid prank ever, because even my unbothered self would’ve taken the effort to write some code for the content of the website. Nevertheless I was about to exit it when suddenly my gaze fell upon the side scroll-bar thing; —– and even though my screen was as white as the milk, from the scroll bar it seemed like it was quite a long webpage; so I scrolled down and surely there were things…

Written on white screen in a font that eerily resembled (only resembled) Lucida Sans, in bold, blood red font-color were the words “THE ACADEMY”, in the highest font size. This font decoration was followed by a short description and a featured image which I assume probably to be of this “Academy”.

The description read: ………………………………………………….

Click here, to read chapter 1. A subject-less email.

Click here, to read chapter 2. A decision — Yes/No.

Click here to view all posts in this series

To my future self

Nabeeha Shaikh1 Comment
{Who needs cakes and disco when you’ve got a pineapple wearing sunglasses and a birthday cap party🥳🥳}

To my future self:

I hope you no longer overthink
To my future self i hope you’ve passed the long nights

I hope you’re still with the ones you love and
Still hold on to relationships
But also that u can still let go those that are gone

I hope u don’t feel like the only one holding on,
Now that they’ve moved on
I wish you can soon too

Soon u may learn to drive;
But before that i hope you realise the destiny of your life
I wish you know to steer in the direction that’s right

Maybe u’ll soon donate blood;
That’s good;
But wishing those bond by blood are still with you

I hope you can forgive the one’s who’ve wronged you;
And you can forget the mistakes of your past

I hope those nightmares no more haunt you
And that you look to sleep with slumber in eyes rather than a dreaded sight

When the breeze touches your face; i hope you smile
To my future self; i pray that you always smile

I hope everyday you look into the mirror and see a beautiful reflection;
Its ok u say; i hope u all wellness and joy

I hope you don’t exercise primary relationships where love is based on secondary relationships

This was something I’d written to myself sometime ago for my birthday, and it feels good to read it now.

Besides the last line being a reference to chp 2 of my sociology tb, the others mention things rather achievements that we must look forward to not only on birthdays but on every beginning that every morning brings.
These things are the mini goals that I wish we all can achieve.

Happy Birthday to myself and Bye!,
Until next time!
still Nabeeha

creature

Nabeeha ShaikhLeave a comment

Those nonchalant smiles,
innocent lies and calming eyes
ask for my attention
as they prey on my ignorance

just a blink of an eye,
and only for a second the shadow reveals itself
before they once again put on their mask
hiding the creature behind the curtains

I look away
and those smiles turn into grievous howls
those calming eyes, dripping blood from them
yet, when i look back once again
the bright light blinds me
into believing what i shouldn’t be

keep your friends close and your enemies closer;
but not taught how to differentiate well
and they know this–
their spell of charm,
always succeeds in throwing me off guard
before i fall prey to their innocence once more
and like a predator, they devour me with their screeching growls

but life comes a full circle,
and they don’t know if they’re the creature
i am their end
i fall for the tricks of theirs,
allow them to get a little closer to me
they make plans and i give them the temporary satisfaction
i play my part so well
all the theatre lessons put into use skillfully
and they never realise that-
i am the cause and creator of their plans
they move like pawns on my command
demanding only my dumb look to give them a hint of their success
but i do all this
only so that I can devour their bits
then it will be my chance to play dumb
as they feel themselves go numb…

Thanks for reading;
Until next time;
Nabeeha Shaikh

Kindness for self, for each other and environment.

Nabeeha ShaikhLeave a comment

Kindness is defined by Google as the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. It is doing intentionally voluntary acts to be kind. But kindness is never hard. Kindness lies in the simple things: kindness is in the smile in return of a frown, kindness is sitting in silence so one is not alone, kindness is in acceptance and kindness is in hope. Kindness is in a prayer for someone. Kindness is in laughing out loud with someone.

Often we age and realise only a little late, that even though we tried to be others hope, we lost in giving hope to the one within us; that innocent creature waiting to be shown some kindness, waiting for some affirmation and appreciation; it was killed in that long wait. It only heard the criticism that you shouted at it looking yourself in the mirror. It only learned that it was never beautiful, never good enough. Still it doesn’t show its broken pieces.

The way one treats the soul within themselves, is the way one treats the souls outside of it. So for one to be gentle and kind to others, one must first learn to be gentle and kind to oneself. Being kind to oneself begins with not stressing yourself out, it is telling yourself “You’re worth it” and that “everything will work out”. It is to let your soul live the way it is and not comparing it to others. Finding beauty in truth and not flattery. Kindness is in realising that you’re pretty and kindness is in smiling through the times.

Kindness for others lies in being the hope. It is in telling small truths that might seem to obvious. Kindness is telling a little girl, “You’re strong”. Kindness is in telling a brother, “good job!”. Kindness is in telling a father, “thank you for everything”, kindness is in telling a mother, “you did it great and you did it so well”.

We always think of a goal in the far and beyond that we forget about the one’s we see every day. Kindness is in making them smile and making them feel that they’re not alone. It is not only for the living humans, but for a bird and a dog, it is for a plant and a flower, kindness is towards all the constituents of the nature. Patting a dog, being considerate towards a flower and feeding a bird are all the kindness you can do to the environment and for yourself. Because kindness to oneself also comes from showing kindness to others.

It might not be that difficult to be kind, but it is thoughtful and full of joy. It is not a big thing but it could be the flame that ignites, because kindness is contagious, it spreads faster than forest fire, is brighter than the sun and is calming than a pill.

So let’s smile and let’s laugh, let’s be kind if not big. Because when one leaves everything else, his kindness is what stays marked on his tombstone, a memoir of him and his-self.

Thanks for reading;
Until next time;
Nabeeha Sayed.

Found Poetry

Nabeeha Shaikh4 Comments

Found poetry is a type of poetry created by taking words, phrases, and sometimes whole passages from other sources and reframing them (a literary equivalent of a collage) by making changes in spacing and lines, or by adding or deleting text, thus imparting new meaning. [Wikipedia]

So I too decided to try ‘found poetry’ from a book that was the closest to me at the moment — My Psychology textbook;

Here you go: 

"you will realise
each
situation
we all live at the mercy of our
destiny"

Here’s another one:

"emotions
we cannot imagine
monotonous and mechanical
purposeful and meaningful"
A snippet of my psychology tb

That’s it, Thanks for reading; see u around next time
Nabeeha Sayed 🙂